Paul Hedderman, spiritual teacher

I met Paul Hedderman at the Raleigh SIG retreat in October 2010. His unique phrasings and energetic personality immediately caught my attention. It's not too surprising that a guy whose website is zenbitchslap.com would pique one's curiosity.

Listening to Hedderman speak informally to three or four interested listeners Friday evening, I tried to pay more attention to his presence than his words. For what it's worth, it felt like he rested somewhere solid; from which place his engaging personality would spring forth then return to rest. Later, I heard Paul describe himself as traveling easily, and I agree.

So what does Paul Hedderman have to say? His Zen Bitchslap site is aptly named as he tries to shake our ego-induced hysteria of self-importance with verbal whacks. "Selfing," self-identification is our core mistake, he says. Like many teachers, he finds spiritual practices to be more bondage, since everything we do has the word "my" preceding it. My practice, my relationship — it all revolves around a self which will vanish.

Here are a few other Hedderman slaps:

What we attempt to do here is share about what we are not.

You just see there is no relationship.

The whole how and why of recovery is to quit playing god.

Who are you buying off by all your doing? The god of your mind's making.

I'm not looking for relief for self; I found relief from self.

There is no see-er that is seeing.

The best way out is to realize you were never in.

Hedderman believes there is nothing for a seeker to do except just stop being a self. In this belief, he falls victim to the simplicity of retrospect. We tend to look back upon our experiences and smooth over the details. The struggles which proceeded a moment of realization are discounted when the realization reveals the illusory nature of all experience. I am left wondering how effective a teaching he offers. He says, "Hopefully there is a sense of certainty that is contagious.... That's why I do three talks a week."

To get a better sense of his teaching, I listened to several of his weekly talks available on his website. After stating at the Raleigh retreat that he doesn't like questions, I was curious how he interacts with people. While there doesn't appear to be much dialogue in his weekly talks, I did hear one exchange with a woman who wasn't buying his message. I found Paul quite talented in trying to help her understand that she could not be both a body and a spirit. He used a chair to represent the body and the space in which the chair appeared as the spirit. He was very patient with her aggressive preconceptions, though he finally gave up, saying, "well, we're just having different experiences."

Paul Hedderman's weekly meetings are in San Francisco and Marin City, California. I recommend checking him out. I find him honest and accesssible. His background in recovery and AA gives him a strong grasp of the many ways we attempt to live a lie.

1/1/12 Update: I moved to California a couple of weeks ago and attended a satsang with Paul Hedderman this past Saturday. We met at a small church in Marin, and pulled the chairs outside to enjoy the California weather for an hour-long session with Paul. A man of no pretense, dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, Paul began talking after a few seconds of silence. "Probably none of you are here for 'nothing,' but if you could come away with that, that would be something."

Paul spoke for forty-five minutes, then opened the door for questions. I told him it sounded like luck as much as anything we do that brings us an answer and wondered what he thought about that. He agreed, but pointed out that "enteraining the possibility" [that we are not the mind, thought, etc.] was a way to allow grace to occur. "Entertain the possibilities; put yourself in positions," [for grace].

His teaching is simple in a way, but he also pushes the listener to be honest, to observe, to consider the facts of their experience. Is there any solidity to the identity? Is everything about "us" after the fact of experience? Are we (the "I," the "me") simply a ghost? Definitely a guy worth spending time with. After the meeting, a basket was passed for donations with absolutely no fanfare or feeling of requirement. Very cool. After visiting with him, I upgraded Hedderman's rating from three stars to four.

Paul Hedderman's Zenbitchslap.com contains numerous audio and video of talks, all for free.

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