Bernadette Roberts Interview

This Bernadette Roberts interview is reprinted from the book Timeless Visions, Healing Voices, copyright 1991 by Stephan Bodian ( In this exclusive interview with Stephan Bodian, (published in the Nov/Dec 1986 issue of YOGA JOURNAL), author Bernadette Roberts describes the path of the Christian contemplative after the experience of oneness with God.

Bernadette Roberts is the author of two extraordinary books on the Christian contemplative journey, The Experience of No-Self (Shambhala, 1982) and The Path to No-Self (Shambala, 1985). A cloistered nun for nine years, Roberts reports that she returned to the world after experiencing the “unitive state”, the state of oneness with God, in order to share what she had learned and to take on the problems and experience of others. In the years that followed she completed a graduate degree in education, married, raised four children, and taught at the pre-school, high school, and junior college levels; at the same time she continued her contemplative practice. Then, quite unexpectedly, some 20 years after leaving the convent, Roberts reportedly experienced the dropping away of the unitive state itself and came upon what she calls “the experience of no-self” – an experience for which the Christian literature, she says, gave her no clear road maps or guideposts. Her books, which combine fascinating chronicles of her own experiences with detailed maps of the contemplative terrain, are her attempt to provide such guideposts for those who might follow after her.

Now 55, and once again living in Los Angeles, where she was born and raised, Roberts characterizes herself as a “bag lady” whose sister and brother in law are “keeping her off the streets.” “I came into this world with nothing,” she writes, “and I leave with nothing. But in between I lived fully – had all the experiences, stretched the limits, and took one too many chances.” When I approached her for an interview, Roberts was reluctant at first, protesting that others who had tried had distorted her meaning, and that nothing had come of it in the end. Instead of a live interview, she suggested, why not send her a list of questions to which she would respond in writing, thereby eliminating all possibility for misunderstanding. As a result, I never got to meet Bernadette Roberts face to face – but her answers to my questions, which are as carefully crafted and as deeply considered as her books, are a remarkable testament to the power of contemplation.

Stephan: Could you talk briefly about the first three stages of the Christian contemplative life as you experienced them – in particular, what you (and others) have called the unitive state?

Bernadette: Strictly speaking, the terms “purgative”, “illuminative”, and “unitive” (often used of the contemplative path) do not refer to discrete stages, but to a way of travel where “letting go”, “insight”, and “union”, define the major experiences of the journey. To illustrate the continuum, authors come up with various stages, depending on the criteria they are using. St. Teresa, for example, divided the path into seven stages or “mansions”. But I don’t think we should get locked into any stage theory: it is always someone else’s retrospective view of his or her own journey, which may not include our own experiences or insights. Our obligation is to be true to our own insights, our own inner light.

My view of what some authors call the “unitive stage”is that it begins with the Dark Night of the Spirit, or the onset of the transformational process – when the larva enters the cocoon, so to speak. Up to this point, we are actively reforming ourselves, doing what we can to bring about an abiding union with the divine. But at a certain point, when we have done all we can, the divine steps in and takes over. The transforming process is a divine undoing and redoing that culminates in what is called the state of “transforming union” or “mystical marriage”, considered to be the definitive state for the Christian contemplative. In experience, the onset of this process is the descent of the cloud of unknowing, which, because his former light had gone out and left him in darkness, the contemplative initially interprets as the divine gone into hiding. In modern terms, the descent of the cloud is actually the falling away of the ego-center, which leaves us looking into a dark hole, a void or empty space in ourselves. Without the veil of the ego-center, we do not recognize the divine; it is not as we thought it should be. Seeing the divine, eye to eye is a reality that shatters our expectations of light and bliss. From here on we must feel our way in the dark, and the special eye that allows us to see in the dark opens up at this time.

So here begins our journey to the true center, the bottom-most, innermost “point” in ourselves where our life and being runs into divine life and being – the point at which all existence comes together. This center can be compared to a coin: on the near side is our self, on the far side is the divine. One side is not the other side, yet we cannot separate the two sides. If we tried to do so, we would either end up with another side, or the whole coin would collapse, leaving no center at all – no self and no divine. We call this a state of oneness or union because the single center has two sides, without which there would be nothing to be one, united, or non-dual. Such, at least, is the experiential reality of the state of transforming union, the state of oneness.

Stephan: How did you discover the further stage, which you call the experience of no-self?

Bernadette: That occurred unexpectedly some 25 years after the transforming process. The divine center – the coin, or “true self” – suddenly disappeared, and without center or circumference there is no self, and no divine. Our subjective life of experience is over – the passage is finished. I had never heard of such a possibility or happening. Obviously there is far more to the elusive experience we call self than just the ego. The paradox of our passage is that we really do not know what self or consciousness is, so long as we are living it, or are it. The true nature of self can only be fully disclosed when it is gone, when there is no self.

One outcome, then, of the no-self experience is the disclosure of the true nature of self or consciousness. As it turns out, self is the entire system of consciousness, from the unconscious to God-consciousness, the entire dimension of human knowledge and feeling-experience. Because the terms “self” and “consciousness” express the same experiences (nothing can be said of one that cannot be said of the other), they are only definable in the terms of “experience”. Every other definition is conjecture and speculation. No-self, then, means no-consciousness. If this is shocking to some people, it is only because they do not know the true nature of consciousness. Sometimes we get so caught up in the content of consciousness, we forget that consciousness is also a somatic function of the physical body, and, like every such function, it is not eternal. Perhaps we would do better searching for the divine in our bodies than amid the content and experience of consciousness.

Stephan: How does one move from “transforming union” to the experience of no-self? What is the path like?

Bernadette: We can only see a path in retrospect. Once we come to the state of oneness, we can go no further with the inward journey. The divine center is the innermost “point”, beyond which we cannot go at this time. Having reached this point, the movement of our journey turns around and begins to move outward – the center is expanding outward. To see how this works, imagine self, or consciousness, as a circular piece of paper. The initial center is the ego, the particular energy we call “will” or volitional faculty, which can either be turned outward, toward itself, or inward, toward the divine ground, which underlies the center of the paper. When, from our side of consciousness, we can do no more to reach this ground, the divine takes the initiative and breaks through the center, shattering the ego like an arrow shot through the center of being. The result is a dark hole in ourselves and the feeling of terrible void and emptiness. This breakthrough demands a restructuring or change of consciousness, and this change is the true nature of the transforming process. Although this transformation culminates in true human maturity, it is not man’s final state. The whole purpose of oneness is to move us on to a more final state.

To understand what happens next, we have to keep cutting larger holes in the paper, expanding the center until only the barest rim or circumference remains. One more expansion of the divine center, and the boundaries of consciousness or self fall away. From this illustration we can see how the ultimate fulfillment of consciousness, or self, is no-consciousness, or no-self. The path from oneness to no-oneness is an egoless one and is therefore devoid of ego-satisfaction. Despite the unchanging center of peace and joy, the events of life may not be peaceful or joyful at all. With no ego-gratification at the center and no divine joy on the surface, this part of the journey is not easy. Heroic acts of selflessness are required to come to the end of self, acts comparable to cutting ever-larger holes in the paper – acts, that is, that bring no return to the self whatsoever.

The major temptation to be overcome in this period is the temptation to fall for one of the subtle but powerful archetypes of the collective consciousness. As I see it, in the transforming process we only come to terms with the archetypes of the personal unconscious; the archetypes of the collective consciousness are reserved for individuals in the state of oneness, because those archetypes are powers or energies of that state. Jung felt that these archetypes were unlimited; but in fact, there is only one true archetype, and that archtype is self. What is unlimited are the various masks or roles self is tempted to play in the state of oneness – savior, prophet, healer, martyr, Mother Earth, you name it. They are all temptations to seize power for ourselves, to think ourselves to be whatever the mask or role may be. In the state of oneness, both Christ and Buddha were tempted in this manner, but they held to the “ground” that they knew to be devoid of all such energies. This ground is a “stillpoint”, not a moving energy-point. Unmasking these energies, seeing them as ruses of the self, is the particular task to be accomplished or hurdle to be overcome in the state of oneness. We cannot come to the ending of self until we have finally seen through these archetypes and can no longer be moved by any of them. So the path from oneness to no-oneness is a life that is choicelessly devoid of ego-satisfaction; a life of unmasking the energies of self and all the divine roles it is tempted to play. It is hard to call this life a “path”, yet it is the only way to get to the end of our journey.

Stephan: In The Experience of No-Self you talk at great length about your experience of the dropping away or loss of self. Could you briefly describe this experience and the events that led up to it? I was particularly struck by your statement “I realized I no longer had a ‘within’ at all.” For so many of us, the spiritual life is experienced as an “inner life” – yet the great saints and sages have talked about going beyond any sense of inwardness.

Bernadette: Your observation strikes me as particularly astute; most people miss the point. You have actually put your finger on the key factor that distinguishes between the state of oneness and the state of no-oneness, between self and no-self. So long as self remains, there will always be a “center”. Few people realize that not only is the center responsible for their interior experiences of energy, emotion, and feeling, but also, underlying these, the center is our continuous, mysterious experience of “life”and “being”. Because this experience is more pervasive than our other experiences, we may not think of “life” and “being” as an interior experience. Even in the state of oneness, we tend to forget that our experience of “being” originates in the divine center, where it is one with divine life and being. We have become so used to living from this center that we feel no need to remember it, to mentally focus on it, look within, or even think about it. Despite this fact, however, the center remains; it is the epicenter of our experience of life and being, which gives rise to our experiential energies and various feelings.

If this center suddenly dissolves and disappears, the experiences of life, being, energy, feeling and so on come to an end, because there is no “within” any more. And without a “within”, there is no subjective, psychological, or spiritual life remaining – no experience of life at all. Our subjecive life is over and done with. But now, without center and circumference, where is the divine? To get hold of this situation, imagine consciousness as a balloon filled with, and suspended in divine air. The balloon experiences the divine as immanent, “in” itself, as well as transcendent, beyond or outside itself. This is the experience of the divine in ourselves and ourselves in the divine; in the state of oneness, Christ is often seen as the balloon (ourselves), completing this trinitarian experience. But what makes this whole experience possible – the divine as both immanent and transcendent – is obviously the balloon, i.e. consciousness or self. Consciousness sets up the divisions of within and without, spirit and matter, body and soul, immanent and transcendent; in fact, consciousness is responsible for every division we know of. But what if we pop the balloon – or better, cause it to vanish like a bubble that leaves no residue. All that remains is divine air. There is no divine in anything, there is no divine transcendence or beyond anything, nor is the divine anything. We cannot point to anything or anyone and say, “This or that is divine”. So the divine is all – all but consciousness or self, which created the division in the first place. As long as consciousness remains however, it does not hide the divine, nor is it ever separated from it. In Christian terms, the divine known to consciousness and experienced by it as immanent and transcendent is called God; the divine as it exists prior to consciousness and after consciousness is gone is called Godhead. Obviously, what accounts for the difference between God and Godhead is the balloon or bubble – self or consciousness. As long as any subjective self remains, a center remains; and so, too, does the sense of interiority.

Stephan: You mention that, with the loss of the personal self, the personal God drops away as well. Is the personal God, then, a transitional figure in our search for ultimate loss of self?

Bernadette: Sometimes we forget that we cannot put our finger on any thing or any experience that is not transitional. Since consciousness, self, or subject is the human faculty for experiencing the divine, every such experience is personally subjective; thus in my view, “personal God” is any subjective experience of the divine. Without a personal, subjective self, we could not even speak of an impersonal, non-subjective God; one is just relative to the other. Before consciousness or self existed, however, the divine was neither personal nor impersonal, subjective nor non-subjective – and so the divine remains when self or consciousness has dropped away. Consciousness by its very nature tends to make the divine into its own image and likeness; the only problem is, the divine has no image or likeness. Hence consciousness, of itself, cannot truly apprehend the divine.

Christians (Catholics especially) are often blamed for being the great image makers, yet their images are so obviously naive and easy to see through, we often miss the more subtle, formless images by which consciousness fashions the divine. For example, because the divine is a subjective experience, we think the divine is a subject; because we experience the divine through the faculties of consciousness, will, and intellect, we think the divine is equally consciousness, will and intellect; because we experience ourselves as a being or entity, we experience the divine as a being or entity; because we judge others, we think the divine judges others; and so on. Carrying a holy card in our pockets is tame compared to the formless notions we carry around in our minds; it is easy to let go of an image, but almost impossible to uproot our intellectual convictions based on the experiences of consciousness.

Still, if we actually knew the unbridgeable chasm that lies between the true nature of consciousness or self and the true nature of the divine, we would despair of ever making the journey. So consciousness is the marvelous divine invention by which human beings make the journey in subjective companionship with the divine; and, like every divine invention, it works. Consciousness both hides the chasm and bridges it – and when we have crossed over, of course, we do not need the bridge any more. So it doesn’t matter that we start out on our journey with our holy cards, gongs and bells, sacred books and religious feelings. All of it should lead to growth and transformation, the ultimate surrender of our images and concepts, and a life of selfless giving. When there is nothing left to surrender, nothing left to give, only then can we come to the end of the passage – the ending of consciousness and its personally subjective God. One glimpse of the Godhead, and no one would want God back.

Stephan: How does the path to no-self in the Christian contemplative tradition differ from the path as laid out in the Hindu and Buddhist traditions?

Bernadette: I think it may be too late for me to ever have a good understanding of how other religions make this passage. If you are not surrendering your whole being, your very consciousness, to a loved and trusted personal God, then what are you surrendering it to? Or why surrender it at all? Loss of ego, loss of self, is just a by-product of this surrender; it is not the true goal, not an end in itself. Perhaps this is also the view of Mahayana Buddhism, where the goal is to save all sentient beings from suffering, and where loss of ego, loss of self, is seen as a means to a greater end. This view is very much in keeping with the Christian desire to save all souls. As I see it, without a personal God, the Buddhist must have a much stronger faith in the “unconditioned and unbegotten” than is required of the Christian contemplative, who experiences the passage as a divine doing, and in no way a self-doing.

Actually, I met up with Buddhism only at the end of my journey, after the no-self experience. Since I knew that this experience was not articulated in our contemplative literature, I went to the library to see if it could be found in the Eastern Religions. It did not take me long to realize that I would not find it in the Hindu tradition, where, as I see it, the final state is equivalent to the Christian experience of oneness or transforming union. If a Hindu had what I call the no-self experience, it would be the sudden, unexpected disappearance of the Atman-Brahman, the divine Self in the “cave of the heart”, and the disappearance of the cave as well. It would be the ending of God-consciousness, or transcendental consciousness – that seemingly bottomless experience of “being”, “consciousness”, and “bliss” that articulates the state of oneness. To regard this ending as the falling away of the ego is a grave error; ego must fall away before the state of oneness can be realized. The no-self experience is the falling away of this previously realized transcendent state.

Initially, when I looked into Buddhism, I did not find the experience of no-self there either; yet I intuited that it had to be there. The falling away of the ego is common to both Hinduism and Buddhism. Therefore, it would not account for the fact that Buddhism became a separate religion, nor would it account for the Buddhist’s insistence on no eternal Self – be it divine, individual or the two in one. I felt that the key difference between these two religions was the no-self experience, the falling away of the true Self, Atman-Brahman. Unfortunately, what most Buddhist authors define as the no-self experience is actually the no-ego experience. The cessation of clinging, craving, desire, the passions, etc., and the ensuing state of imperturbable peace and joy articulates the egoless state of oneness; it does not, however, articulate the no-self experience or the dimension beyond. Unless we clearly distinguish between these two very different experiences, we only confuse them, with the inevitable result that the true no-self experience becomes lost. If we think the falling away of the ego, with its ensuing transformation and oneness, is the no-self experience, then what shall we call the much further experience when this egoless oneness falls away? In actual experience there is only one thing to call it, the “no-self experience”; it lends itself to no other possible articulation.

Initially, I gave up looking for this experience in the Buddhist literature. Four years later, however, I came across two lines attributed to Buddha describing his enlightenment experience. Referring to self as a house, he said, “All thy rafters are broken now, the ridgepole is destroyed.” And there it was – the disappearance of the center, the ridgepole; without it, there can be no house, no self. When I read these lines, it was as if an arrow launched at the beginning of time had suddenly hit a bulls-eye. It was a remarkable find. These lines are not a piece of philosophy, but an experiential account, and without the experiential account we really have nothing to go on. In the same verse he says, “Again a house thou shall not build,” clearly distinguishing this experience from the falling away of the ego-center, after which a new, transformed self is built around a “true center,” a sturdy, balanced ridgepole.

As a Christian, I saw the no-self experience as the true nature of Christ’s death, the movement beyond even is oneness with the divine, the movement from God to Godhead. Though not articulated in contemplative literature, Christ dramatized this experience on the cross for all ages to see and ponder. Where Buddha described the experience, Christ manifested it without words; yet they both make the same statement and reveal the same truth – that ultimately, eternal life is beyond self or consciousness. After one has seen it manifested or heard it said, the only thing left is to experience it.

Stephan: You mention in The Path to No-Self that the unitive state is the “true state in which God intended every person to live his mature years.” Yet so few of us ever achieve this unitive state. What is it about the way we live right now that prevents us from doing so? Do you think it is our preoccupation with material success, technology, and personal accomplishment?

Bernadette: First of all, I think there are more people in the state of oneness than we realize. For everyone we hear about there are thousands we will never hear about. Believing this state to be a rare achievement can be an impediment in itself. Unfortunately, those who write about it have a way of making it sound more extraordinary and blissful that it commonly is, and so false expectations are another impediment – we keep waiting and looking for an experience or state that never comes. But if I had to put my finger on the primary obstacle, I would say it is having wrong views of the journey.

Paradoxical though it may seem, the passage through consciousness or self moves contrary to self, rubs it the wrong way – and in the end, will even rub it out. Because this passage goes against the grain of self, it is, therefore, a path of suffering. Both Christ and Buddha saw the passage as one of suffering, and basically found identical ways out. What they discovered and revealed to us was that each of us has within himself or herself a “stillpoint” – comparable, perhaps to the eye of a cyclone, a spot or center of calm, imperturbability, and non-movement. Buddha articulated this central eye in negative terms as “emptiness” or “void”, a refuge from the swirling cyclone of endless suffering. Christ articulated the eye in more positive terms as the “Kingdom of God” or the “Spirit within”, a place of refuge and salvation from a suffering self.

For both of them, the easy out was first to find that stillpoint and then, by attaching ourselves to it, by becoming one with it, to find a stabilizing, balanced anchor in our lives. After that, the cyclone is gradually drawn into the eye, and the suffering self comes to an end. And when there is no longer a cyclone, there is also no longer an eye. So the storms, crises, and sufferings of life are a way of finding the eye. When everything is going our way, we do not see the eye, and we feel no need to find it. But when everything is going against us, then we find the eye. So the avoidance of suffering and the desire to have everything go our own way runs contrary to the whole movement of our journey; it is all a wrong view. With the right view, however, one should be able to come to the state of oneness in six or seven years – years not merely of suffering, but years of enlightenment, for right suffering is the essence of enlightenment. Because self is everyone’s experience underlying all culture. I do not regard cultural wrong views as an excuse for not searching out right views. After all, each person’s passage is his or her own; there is no such thing as a collective passage.

28 thoughts on “Bernadette Roberts Interview”

    1. A great question. Bernadette’s books pick up after the purgative state, and I am not versed in the Christian mystical tradition. Perhaps another reader can help. If you want a recommendation on how to start the path, from a non-Christian perspective, send me an email.

    2. Bernadette Roberts’ books are definitely not “how-to” books, as she does not see herself as a teacher. For an introduction to contemplative prayer, a good starting point would be “The Ways of Mental Prayer with Introductory Letter by Pope Pius X” by Vital Lehodey.

  1. As a non-theist ‘Hindu’, but very very far from having any kind of experience of Ms.Robert’s nature, it is with extreme hesitation that I make the following observation: With a huge amount of respect, Ms.Roberts’s understanding of the Hindu insight is incomplete. I refer to the wisdom of Sage Ramana Maharishi, who again alludes to much the same : the dropping of the ego and the experience of the Union, is merely a step. Ultimately, there is no Union and nothing to union with. The state of ‘sahaja stithi’ as the ‘Final State’ (for want of better words ), which cannot be truly described, is experiential and irreversible, brings with it the breakdown of any concept of anything, so where is the question of no-mind? The Upanishadic seers saw this and stressed that anything that can be described is not the complete experience. It only points to the no-mind state ( again semantics). The reasons for Buddhism to have spun off as a ‘religion’ , are different, historically affected and not reducible to Buddha’s articulation of an experience. Advaita points to the same and describes the methods to attain IT.

    1. @K.BALA,

      1. It has been said that, Advaita of Shankara and his Guru shows Buddha’s influence.
      2. Ramana had also said “one has to commit suicide” – which of course is a 2nd party translation. The same has also been suggested by Richard Rose – see Jacob’s Ladder.
      3. I have seen the baloon analogy of Mrs Roberts in “Ashtavakra Gita”, which uses a clay pot immersed in the ocean metaphor. The Tripitaka predates this.
      4. The Hindu school is not one school – there are a hundred different schools and even more commentary. And all schools (except perhaps the Jain’s ‘anekantavada’,Ramakrishna and JK’s pathless land among others), including the Buddha and Ms Roberts tend to gravitate heavily towards their own idea. There is no way to communicate without taking the help of ideas – which by their very nature is of-the-mind, by-the-mind and for-the-mind.
      5. To explain what anybody explains, even after the total ‘destruction’ of the so called ‘self’ – how can anybody not use their ‘self’ ? Ramana seems to have had the ‘gaze’, that Ms Roberts describes, and showed signs of ‘silence’ and total ‘withdrawal’. He had great difficulty in communicating whereas Ms Roberts is quite able and articulate.
      6. The Bhagavat Gita Ch 18 verse 53-54 describes the same practice as Ms Roberts suggests. Other verses from other chapters speaks about Para-Brahman being attribute-less and will-less or motive-less. God doesn’t even care if one is worshiping him. (BG looks to me like a syncretic text).
      7. The Ribhu Gita Chapter 26 is so similar to what Ms Roberts says, that to me it felt as if Ms Roberts is quoting from it.

      These are just independent observations and is far from being comprehensive.

    2. Exactly so. Ms Roberts insights are profound, but she lacked a deeper understanding of those traditions which had reached the same realisations as she. They include those of Ramana and arguably Ramakrishna. They also include the “Fana” of the Sufis.

  2. Marvelous and helpful description of the transition from self to no-self! Ms. Roberts is truly one of the greats. My only issue is that she obviously never delved far enough into Hindu literature to find this same experience both formally and poetically described, in some of its philosophies as well as in the lives of many of its luminaries.

  3. I have read her book The Experience of No- Self. I would like to know how her 4 children and her husband felt about her frequent disapearences on retreats etc. one she mentioned lasted 5 months and when it was finished she almost immediately went on another retreat. As a mother of 3 children one wonders how she managed and how her fa ily managed without her while she looked for God. It all sounds a little selfish and even crazy to me. What do her now adult children think about it all? I note that she is not living with any of them.

    1. Wow, thanks for the interesting comment Liz. You’d have to ask Bernadette yourself how the family dynamics worked out. My wife just left for a week-long retreat, which is fine, but I’m not sure what I’d think if she left for 5 months! On the same hand, there is a line of teachings that consuls we have to be willing to do whatever it takes. Great sacrifice may be called for, or may not be. I lost some friendships along the way because my interests changed from drinking beer and driving fast cars to meditating. Was it selfish of me to leave those friends whose interests no longer matched mine? Yes, that’s different than family where one has a sworn responsibility. There are all sorts of examples from other pursuits: great artists, inventors, explorers, and business people whose families suffered while they pursued their dreams.

      1. Perhaps what Liz is noting is that while it is not uncommon for male artists, musicians and spiritual seekers to absent themselves from family responsibilities, it is judged more harshly when a woman makes that choice… not that I haven’t dreamed about it myself!

    2. I am very curious about my recent find on Ms Roberts. She is still alive. I have placed an order for “The Experience of No-Self”. I believe if I could read a first hand account of this, that would be great. I have read many accounts that are loaded with vocabulary from India, my motherland. I think this vocabulary has now been used for so long and by so many people from totally different environments and from their own vantage points, that I thought I should take this opportunity to read.

      While I was looking to read about personal encounters with Ms Roberts, this is what I found on
      “My first impression of her was that she looked like a professional businesswoman. Well-groomed, elderly, but not at all “old.” She was witty and spirited, and came across as a no-nonsense character with a sharp sense of humor. For example, she told us about a priest who was in her words, “… awful. He is dead now, thank God!” She also told a few of us during a side conversation that she does not believe in hell, but knows some folks that she wished would go there.

      I’ll state right away that I do believe she “made the trip” to no-self. This is based on my own gut reaction, not on anything specific that she said or did. In fact, I was very surprised at how much “ego” she appeared to have—my impression was that she was verbally aggressive toward those in the audience that raised challenging questions or that did not agree with her point of view. I personally did not think her style was appropriate for the audience since we were guests, not long-term students. I thought enlightened folks would be more tolerant and kind, somehow? Perhaps this was the biggest lesson for me; maybe enlightened folks are still human after all.”

      I know of UG and Nisargadatta – whose videos are on YouTube – being angry, very angry. But I have never heard them asking people to go to hell or curse them with vituperation.

      The first hand account goes on to say this —

      If Self-realization involves detachment from hard-core beliefs, it is a wonder that Bernadette made it at all. She seemed to be 100% convinced about who or what Christ is, the supremacy of Christianity over all other religions, the Truth of the Trinity, and the power of the Eucharist. Her biases made me ponder these questions more deeply:

      1* Do we wake up, simply because we have a deep and strong heart-felt desire to wake up? Is that really the bottom line?
      2* Is there any other common denominator at all? Desire is the only one I’ve ever seen!

      Well, I have the inkling from personal inner inquiry, that both 1 & 2 may quite be true.

      And then

      Some of Bernadette’s beliefs seemed to be 180 degrees in the opposite direction of some I have come to value. Examples include:

      1. Watching your thoughts is of no use.
      2. You must experience the self fully—accept it, live it, exercise it—you must live it fully and completely before you can go beyond it to no-self. (To me, this equated to not only “polishing the turd,” but gold-plating it for good measure!)
      3. Look outside yourself for God. Looking inside draws more attention to the self, and there is not need to look inside the self. Looking outside is beyond self.
      4. The ego has the ability to choose good over evil. We are born with free will to make choices. We are human beings with a free will. (By the way – she was ADAMANT about this! She said, “We have no choice that we came here, and no choice but to return to the Father.” I asked her how it is then possible that we have true free will in-between, in our life span. She would not answer my question, and would not give me the opportunity to speak about it again.)
      5. When you receive the Eucharist, you have tangible proof that you are One with God—thus there is no need for self-analysis.
      6. Christ is the way—it is the means and the end. You must focus your entire life on God and service to others. (I thought the service-to-others-ego was just another mask.)

      And these are my personal observations –
      1. UG says the same thing.
      2. No comment
      3. No comment – never heard this before.
      4. Not Ramana like – but Buddha’s Dhammapada and even the Bhagavad Gita seems to agree about how one should live one’s life. But no comment on the ‘free-will’ thing – I am not qualified.
      5. No Idea
      6. Sounds like Ramakrishna’s “Kali”, Meera’s “beloved” and many others in the Bhakti tradition.

      That’s all for now.
      (Have you really read all this ? My hallucinations ?)

      1. 2. You must experience the self fully—accept it, live it, exercise it—you must live it fully and completely before you can go beyond it to no-self. (To me, this equated to not only “polishing the turd,” but gold-plating it for good measure!)

        Mine and Bernadette’s experiences seem to coincide in that there are two separate instances where first the Ego, then the Self fall off. After the Ego has fallen off, it’s like being newly born with God by your side, so you quit introspection and destruction. Then it’s about growing, seeing the world and your relation to it.

        This is how you finally become tired of the world, and your Self becomes a burden again. It’s an organic journey where you end up exactly where you started. No need to rush.

  4. When one has experienced mystical experiences they are then drawn on what I call God’s tractor beam’ of His stages toward enlightenment. There is no deviation after the fact.
    Ms. Roberts is the only current writer who provides a roadmap, and I, and I’m sure others are eternally grateful for her writings. It’s an extremely difficult procedure – after the emotional Dark Night the unitive state is the longest and driest. Bernadette’s writing provides a roadmap, guidance and valued council which many have probably needed, and which I certainly have relied upon.

    1. @Susan Henshaw

      I have seen Road maps by many others*. But undoubtedly, Ms Roberts is very convincing in narrating her personal experience so well. It is only when commentating on others that she starts to sound a little uh uhmm… She shows signs of exclusivity.

      * Look for 1) John Kent 2) Maurice Frydman and of course 3) Patanjali – which is not current.

  5. Here’s what always bothers me about this. It sounds awful. The end goal is total death — no consciousness. So what’s the difference? Why do it?

    Any thoughts on this?

    1. Hi. Where do you see total death in this? Bernadette says, “…that ultimately, eternal life is beyond self or consciousness.” If you think that you are alive now, that you know what living really is, or know what the “self” that you want to hold on to is, then look closer at your assumptions.

      1. Because the only beingness we know is consciousness. If there is no beingness, there is nothingness. The lack of experience constitutes the equivalent of death, no?

        1. But death is not what we think it is. From the perspective of ego/personality, death is nothingness, but from another perspective perhaps not. This is all talk, however. We have to find out for ourselves.

  6. Perhaps it would be better if she had explained why it is a good or worthwhile thing to destroy one’s humanity and individuality in this way. See, no one questions the worth of the self after they have lost it. How could they, they d0nt even know what it is they have lost. Bernadette encourages killing one’s soul, ones centre to ‘liberate’ the selfless centreless god from the confines which was giving our soul life. And for what? Is this liberated thing even capable of giving the slightest damn about what it witnesses or experiences? Isnt it just a programmed thing incapable of any reflection, a zombie or a robot for all intents and purposes. Ofcourse it would see the soul as just an illusion. How could something that doesnt have ‘selfness’ ever see the value in something that does?

    Perhaps that is why it can create such stryfe and pain in this universe with such incredible disregard for the egos that suffer. Even if it had a heart, it would no know how to use it. Perhaps i would be a better excercise to bring more of ‘it’ into our selves to expand the self and create a more worhwhile existence.

    This path is spiritual suicide. It will not heal the world. It doesnt even know what healing is since i bypasses the personal altogether.

    1. It sounds more of a question of what you are looking for. If you want to know what a “self” or a “soul” is, then that might been seen as a different direction than wanting to heal the world.

      1. But here is the problem. No “self” can ever want to know the ‘no-self’. Precisely because the self and the desire for knowing the no self, will be annihilated in the search. ‘Desire’ to know the no-self is a contradiction in words. No-self does not allow desires of any kind nor their fulfillment. The experience of no-self comes with complete lack of any sense of fulfillment. It destroys the place inside you that can be fulfilled and it doesn’t replace it with anything else. It turns you into a high functioning robot or a zombie without any capability to reflect enough on your state to know what sort of prison you have gotten yourself into.

        All human souls are born with their inner truth. The fulfillment of that inner truth is the true purpose that defines the divine core of a human being. A human being is a vessel for the marriage of humanity and divinity. If you take the route of Bernadette, the human is annihilated in all but superficial form. It functions merely as a zombie running on progressively lessening momentum until its death. The void does not know itself. Knowing does not exist in the void. Therefore, to create the body as a vessel of pure void energy (godhead) with all human energy extinguished is to destroy complete the worth of the human being. It is akin to spiritual suicide.

        You will not find the answer to “what a self or soul is” by killing them any more than you will find the answer to what a human being is by killing them and dissecting their corpse.

        1. You make a lot of assertions in your response. Are they backed by your experience or are they conceptions?

          If you know, via experience, that “the void does not know itself,” then I would ask you to consider Bernadette’s life — which was far from that of a “zombie running on progressively lessening momentum….”

          1. The circular thinking in Roberts’ beliefs is well charted in this thread. If we cannot experience when in the ‘no-self’ mode, how can we report the experience? Shawn asks a very good question, but the answer is just as valid for Roberts as it would be for Mu: Yes, what we assert is backed by our experience and our conceptions.
            There’s another aspect of Roberts that is equally troubling: If this ‘no-self’ state is intended by the ground of being as the final stop between our coming and going, then it is indeed to be pursued. However, if all of us pursued it, the human race would quickly disappear. Is this what God intended in His fourteen billion year creation via evolution: an entity whose sole purpose is oblivion? Put this way, oblivion is indeed desirable if we find life to be onerous.

        2. I very much like your response. I found Bernadette a hard read and I am not a stupid person. it’s certainly not clear and she speaks of death a lot. I think it diminishes God.

  7. Personal physical annilhilation [death] is the simple, final fact of existence for all life. I do not find it strange that Roberts believed that she had experienced this final death before her actual physical death. This may be what Jesus meant when he encouraged us to ‘die’ to self. As Roberts says, this is not something that can be ‘believed in’ before it is actually experienced. I have learned to trust nothing in the spiritual life except my own deepest experience, which is always subject to change.

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